Vos commentaires!

Hey, your comments are more than welcome. Please don't all rush to post comments on my blog at once. There's more than enough of me to go around. Oh I see... you can't comment on my blog because of the annoying problems with Blogger. Wonderful! Be that way then. I will just post to myself because I find myself extremely fascinating. There's got to be a way to beat the system and I say this is it. Instead of new comments... you all get new posts. Yippee!

Today is Friday and that means I am in a lovely mood. Just thought you might like to know this. Have a great weekend everyone. By the way, if you are looking for weather in the mid 60's and dry, Seattle is your place! I can hook you up too with some sweet deals! Coming soon, palm trees!

Snoozing...

A legit post will come once I wake up... late night folks! Comment all you want... here's the catch, if Blogger will allow you to do so.

-Not God

86% rating: exceeding expectations

For a variety of obvious reasons I don't blog about my job all that often. On Wednesday though I got my annual Performance Review from my boss. I got a 4.3 out of 5.0. I must have the coolest boss out there because he knows I surf the net/blogs and IM a bit during the day. Add in my swimming lunches and you have plenty of time to email and phone car dealerships. I do get my stuff done and customers and co-workers are happy. Sure some things do slide, but everything does get addressed. The raise won't be hefty, but should support my childish Lego addiction, studly triathlon addiction, my three illegitimate children, or enable me to buy some new hip glasses.

In other news... please help me decide what type of music to use for my Rain Dance. Seattle is in the midst of a horrible drought right now so it's time for me to start dancing. This is the worst dry spell since 1992. I think I need to do my part by dancing for rain. I can easily come up with a great routine. I just need some help with the music. Milli Vanilli's lip synched song Blame it on Rain would be unwise, yet Blind Melon's No Rain might be suitable. There's that Singing in the Rain song also, but that assumes we have the rain. I just might even tape the dance to post here at a later date. How much do camels cost again?

Work leftovers

Last week our office was blessed with these wonderful praline cookies, you should be able to sense the sarcasm in the word wonderful here, that sat around untouched in the kitchen on my floor all week long. Now for anything to last more than a day is crazy unless it arrives at 4:30pm on Friday. These sorry ass cookies from Louisiana taste like they were made when the French sold the territory west of the Mississippi to us Americans some 200 years ago. That's how nasty they are. For those that know me personally, they have to be that fucking bad for me not to eat more than a couple of them.

I painfully ate two of them last week and felt like my teeth were going to fall out. I warned everyone to avoid them. My silly co-worker thinks it's hilarious to hide them in various spots around or on my desk. I look at him with a fair amount of scorn and smirkitude. I've been called a human garbage disposal, meaning if it has sugar... I will usually eat it. These things are the exception. I took a picture of one so you will know to avoid them if you ever see these vile pieces of crap in your life. (too lazy to upload photo right now though.)

My co-workers will eat a pizza with meat topping that sat out all night. Yes, for those of you that worked in the food service... that means the meat is definitely in the Danger Zone. If my co-workers will devour stale leftover night pizza, but won't eat these cookies, you know they are wretched. How many more adjectives can Egan use to describe these nasty ass cookies? I think I am stopping now. Done venting about these foul excuse for sweets. Hey, I don't have to eat them I guess. I will just go back to munching on my Chica Scouts cookies, a yummy indulgence they are this week. Four bucks a box for the Girl Scout cookies seems like a steal compared to the free praline pucks.

Zit pickety

Some of you may not want to read any further, but this is a subject I have been curious about for some time. Plus by typing the last sentence you are already hooked to this post... or maybe not. Can someone explain to me what is it with certain females and a little acne popping fetish some ladies have?

Okay this may seem like it's out of leftfield or something, but my wife and her best friend both confess they love to pop their spouses acne. Yes, I am the recipient of said behavior. I really have been blessed with pretty good skin so it doesn't happen all that often, but for some reason her eyes light up when I take off my shirt in front of her. It has nothing to do with my huge pecs or rippeed abs gang... I can see her scanning my body looking for acne or blackheads. It's rather humorous. I overheard her talk to her friend about this and her friend openly admits to this behavior with her lovely husband.

What's E-FO missing here? Why is this an appealing thing for some females to do? Before you start calling my wife a bizarre psycho bitch, keep in mind she is now reading this blog. She has a wonderful sense of humor though and I can't wait for her reaction to this post whenever that may be. (sidenote: might be getting my wife hooked on my blog...don't say anything though.) I have my assumptions why the acne removal on the significant other is so intriguing, but would love to hear your thoughts. Here are a couple theories: reach. Most of us can't reach the middle of our backs so it's a bonus when someone can do it for us and clear our skin at the same time. Second theory: grooming. I think it's in our genetic makeup to want to groom those closest to us, whether it be roommates, friends, significant others, etc. For example, I used to give my male friend pedicures in college and in return he would cut my curly hair. Now that's a decent tradeoff.

-Dr. Bioré

Can I buy some testicles please?

While working out at the gym late last night, I had my iPod turned off to do crunches at the end of my workout. So what song comes on the 24 Hour Fitness sound system? The most annoying and cheesy lyrics for a song ever. How old is John Mayer and why the hell is he preaching to fathers, mothers, and men? Who does this guy think he is? This song is so freaking sappy I can't take it. That song from his previous album was equally pathetic, "Your Body is a Wonderland". I want to Van Gogh my ears whenever I hear either of them. Let's just say this, his current Daughters song has the same effect on me as a Tom Shane radio ad. I think most of you know what that means. I will take butt rock and radio ads over Mr. Sappy John Mayer any day. Was John Mayer on 90210?

Enough about him though... this damn blog is about me... and I guess about other peeps I know. Thanks for asking all, yes I had a good weekend. The weather in Seattle was amazing yet again. We visited lots of our friends over the weekend. The highlight of the weekend had to be welcoming back a friend of ours that has been over in Iraq for the past year. It's great to have Matt back safe and out of danger. I had a chance to hold his flack jacket/vest. Unbelievable how anybody moves over there with an additional 40 pounds draped over their midsection and the heat. Sure does come in handy though in the event it's ever needed.

Hey, no open ended questions for you all today! You're off the hook. (John Mayer stuff doesn't count... respond to my criticisms if you must)