PDX Bob

Gang, I have another friend that is new to the blogging scene. His name is Bob and he is a recent father. He's a wonderfully funny man with curly hair like myself. Maybe those of us with afros are all funny. Carrot Top is funny right?

P.S. stay tuned for rants about the in-laws. Plenty of blogging material is all I can say.

Mr. Perfect Attendance

Today wasn't my finest day. I was up all night since I could hardly breath. I wanted to blame this on the one cat the in-laws have, but I really think it was a combination of the dry weather and a brief cold. I never like to admit I am sick, but amazingly it may have happened.

See I only missed one day due to sickness from kindergarten all the way through high school. I am one of those freaks that rarely ever gets sick. My only sick day occurred in 10th grade when I got hit on the head by a baseball during practice. I suffered a concussion and missed the following day. Needless to say, anyone I run into that knows me from my grade school days remembers me as Mr. Perfect Attendance. Too bad that didn't translate to Mr. Perfect Grades and then to Mr. Perfect Looks.

I have to apologize for my behaviors today. I was quite grumpy since I wasn't feeling so hot. I was mean to almost everyone that interacted with me. It wasn't my finest hour. Tomorrow will be much better. I did learn how to tie a scarf properly today. Currently it's five degrees outside here in Geneva, Illinois so my scarf and hat will be in use today/tomorrow. Sadly there is no snow on the ground and it appears the locals leave their cars running if they make a quick trip inside a convenience store. It's tempting to move these idling cars to scare such owners.

In other news, my one week old beard is gone. I just couldn't take the itchiness that accompanies a beard. Guess I will never be fit to compete on CBS's Survivor. Tomorrow I am getting my pubes waxed and an avocado facial. Yes, I know I can't wear capris before Memorial Day and after Labor Day.

...for that deep down body thirst

Now I remember what it is about the midwest that's most difficult for us monkeys. It's unbelievably dry here this time of year. I can't stop drinking water. I feel like I just ran a marathon without drinking any fluids. My throat has been dry since I got here and I have this uncontrollable urge to coat my lips with petroleum. How do you folks in the middle of this great land of ours manage to live here? In the summer it's unbearably hot and humid and in the winter it's brutally cold and dry. Seattle may have it's share of rain, but at least you can comfortably be outside in the elements year round. We also have these things in Seattle called hills which rarely exist here, save for the local landfills.

The cold really isn't all that bad here in Geneva, Illinois... it's just the dry air that's my kryptonite. Any tips for how to survive without applying lip ointments every 15 minutes would be appreciated?

Planes: I got two hours of sleep and we did make it to the airport on time. The old folks in a our van ride were far too chipper for 4:30am. Nuff said! We were sort of in baby hell on the plane however. We had a newborn right in front of us and across the aisle we had a 3 year old boy and his 14 month old* sister. Thank you Apple for inventing the iPod. Our inflight movie was Princess Diaries 2 which was so transparent I could predict what would happen next without audio.

I am tired so it's time to retreat to my twin sized guest bed. Yes, my wife and I don't share a bed at her parent's place. We have separate twin beds as if my name was Ward Cleaver. (pictures have been taken)

*an educated guess on the young girl's age.

Three thirty a.m.

The alarm is set to go off in exactly three hours. What am I doing posting to my freaking blog? Guess I would prefer to be really really tired on the plane today rather than be nice and well rested. I think I convince myself I function better on fewer hours of sleep. I will check back this week and let the faithful know how the experiment worked.

In early Christmas news, I got some snowshoes from my lovely wife. I can't wait to break the puppies in up in the mountains. She got an awesome U2 iPod to compliment mine. Now we don't have to share our players anymore. Vive les iPods! Happy holidays to all!

-Le petit singe

Signs you're getting older

1. Won't breakdance for friends when sober.
2. Won't breakdance for friends when drunk.
3. No longer get hangovers after friends parties.
4. Unwilling to reason with anyone.
5. Regularly perform random acts of kindness.
6. Unwilling to recreate college pranks such as Monkey Boy.
7. Every other friend of yours has a child now and some even have multiples.
8. Receive AARP mailings addressed to you and not current resident.
9. Hair is beginning its slow but steady migration to gray/white.

I am sure there are more than nine things, but I am not to be thinking. It's a vacation day for me and my tummy is making an awful lot of noise, hunger pangs I think. Where the heck are my Lucky Charms?