Timex, takes a licking and...

...keeps on freaking beeping. I got a brand new Timex Ironman triathlon watch for Christmas, but damn. I feel like I have a bomb strapped to my wrist. This thing has a mind of its own and just keeps sounding off for no apparent reason. I tried to time myself during swimming today and had four splits running at the completion of my four lengths without me touching any buttons. Later in the day I couldn't get the stopwatch* to actually stop. The damn thing just doesn't work as it should. I hit the stop/reset button and I swear I am going to get ejected from the MINI while my face illuminates with the Timex Indiglo technology. My wife insists it's operator error. It's a goddamn digital watch I tell you. How could I screw it up? I guess I may have farted in its general direction. Takes a licking my ass!

*learned stopwatch is a registered trademark like Kleenex and eGan.