Oh to be a Republican
A Day in the Life of a Republican: Wake to the soothing sound of a Sting song from the mid 90's on my favorite local "mix" station. Crank on the hot water for about five minutes before actually hopping in the shower. While cleaning my genitals I think about how my walk with Jesus could use some improvement. Blissfully dry off and then flip on the 700 Club to see how Pat Robertson wants us to lead our lives today. "Homosexuals bad, Jesus good... homosexuals bad, dropping lots of bombs on innocent people in Baghdad good". Put on some nice gray Dockers and a button shirt that I purchased at JCPenney some years ago. Grab my Goody black comb and part my hair the same way it has been parted since middle school, the last time I got some action. Open the front door and declare "Praise Jesus!" while loading a shotgun and blowing away the neighborhood squirrel. Think to myself, "damn I am good.. thank you Lord for blessing me with these wicked hunting skills."
Ah, off to work. Hop in my spacious H2 and head for work darting in and out of traffic. Owning a yellow tank does have its privileges. Out of the corner of my eye I spy a little shit flipping me off in his MINI Cooper. I notice he has a "Kerry/Edwards" bumper sticker on his car. I decide to show him who is boss by tailgating the preppy little tree hugger. I am able to cut him off and then return the finger gesture. Arrive at work and get myself some coffee, but don't start another pot of coffee because I am far too cool and besides no one will know it was me, except God.. however he will forgive me for this selfless act on Sunday. During my hectic day I glance at a couple news sites. According to E! online, the bastard Springsteen has lost his voice. Thank you Jesus!
Geez.. this is exhausting work.. time for a nap. I will add more later, but can't stop thinking about those hot daughters of George's. Twins...lesbian twins..hmmm. I love lesbians. Lesbians are good, but them gay guys are immoral. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Quick thought, can we round up all them Kerry supporters and send them off somewhere? Sort of like we did with them Asians in World War II. Maybe Bush can pass an amendment to do this! One can only hope and pray! "Dear God, kill all them Democrats and gays! Amen!"
Ah, off to work. Hop in my spacious H2 and head for work darting in and out of traffic. Owning a yellow tank does have its privileges. Out of the corner of my eye I spy a little shit flipping me off in his MINI Cooper. I notice he has a "Kerry/Edwards" bumper sticker on his car. I decide to show him who is boss by tailgating the preppy little tree hugger. I am able to cut him off and then return the finger gesture. Arrive at work and get myself some coffee, but don't start another pot of coffee because I am far too cool and besides no one will know it was me, except God.. however he will forgive me for this selfless act on Sunday. During my hectic day I glance at a couple news sites. According to E! online, the bastard Springsteen has lost his voice. Thank you Jesus!
Geez.. this is exhausting work.. time for a nap. I will add more later, but can't stop thinking about those hot daughters of George's. Twins...lesbian twins..hmmm. I love lesbians. Lesbians are good, but them gay guys are immoral. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Quick thought, can we round up all them Kerry supporters and send them off somewhere? Sort of like we did with them Asians in World War II. Maybe Bush can pass an amendment to do this! One can only hope and pray! "Dear God, kill all them Democrats and gays! Amen!"
posted by egan at
10:32 AM
